I remember you from the map in my second grade class,

My goodness I was so impressed.

The world’s largest teardrop, you threatened to drown us all.

And that was before Intergovernmental Panels on Climate Change.

I told everyone that you deserved to be your own continent,

The eighth wonder of the geographical world.

You were primed to appeal to these youthful whims,

For I did not understand Mercator projection distortion.

But I’ll pay the Danegeld no more.

Likening you to the Emperor’s new clothes doesn’t quite cut it,

Well, maybe if he wore a heavy vest, fleece sweater, and ski jacket.

Think you’re impressive with all those fjords?

Slartibartfast’s greatest folly.

It is appropriate you were pinned next to the blackboard.

It was green, and you are white.

If only the same could be said for your lies.

I would have forgiven everything because you housed Santa’s Workshop,

But I was just another casualty of your delusions of grandeur.